I hate all girls vehemently.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
