I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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