Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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