i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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