But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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