i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
