It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
