I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
