she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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