let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
