So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize