If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
