I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
