At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
