A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
