R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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