Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
