She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize