She is in my trunk
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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