I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize