Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Barsexuality is the new black.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
