My nipple is on Facebook.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
