she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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