my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
