Umm I'm too high to move.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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