Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
