Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
