On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I cannot find my penis.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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