There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
