I'm really into asian looking animals
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
