If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Acid is not a monday night drug
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
