UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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