It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
