i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
