i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
