Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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