You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
