life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
