Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
