this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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