A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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