why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize