So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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