I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
