ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
