what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
