she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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