i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
