I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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