that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
