Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have aggressive nipples.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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