i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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