i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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