What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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