Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
this will be a night to untag.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
