He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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