Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
