do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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