Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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