For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize