u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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