I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
