I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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