I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
