I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
