Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
