i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
