i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
